When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
