I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
