There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
