k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
