Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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