If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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