No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
