wanna go halves on a baby?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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