he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
