So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
