i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
