What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
