I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
