I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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