so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
love makes seman taste better
Come see our sink grown plant.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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