You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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