..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
