I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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