Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
