I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
