I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
