I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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