Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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