At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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