M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
my poor anus
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
