just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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