Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
