I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
