did you get engaged???
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
