Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
