update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize
