Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
