dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
