You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
