Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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