Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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