Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
