Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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