my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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