it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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