You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
