He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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