We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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