Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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