WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
