Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
