Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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