I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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