Me too!
After last night, I could never be a politician.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
