Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I touched a dick in church today
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The adults are the big ones right?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize