Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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