some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
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