So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize