My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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