I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
