I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
