Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
