I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I smell like Dick and happiness
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
