Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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