It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
