Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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