and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You pole danced in your parka.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
