Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
