the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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