I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize