I can't watch pbs sober anymore
one might say we're banned from that church
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
