dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
