i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
