I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
