Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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