Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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