My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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