this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
