the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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