I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
