my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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