just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
