Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
