Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
