I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
